


I'm not perfect, I'm just me

by Blackwidowislyfe



Series: Little-venger verse [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Age Play, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Bruce is the best Daddy ever, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hulk is a good Bro, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Natasha is the world's best big sister, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifiers, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Presents, Therapy, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Cuddles, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony is Not Okay, Tony-centric, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-28 19:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6342580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackwidowislyfe/pseuds/Blackwidowislyfe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tony has several panic attacks and eventually everything becomes okay. For the most part anyways. Also I cannot summarize</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm not perfect, I'm just me

**Author's Note:**

> In case the summary was not enough warning, TRIGGER WARNING FOR ANXIETY ATTACKS AND PTSD. While I do have anxiety issues and panic attacks myself, I do not have PTSD. I am basing most of this off of what my anxiety feels like to me. If any of this is wrong or innacurate feel free to yell at me in the comments. Also warnings for ageplay, diapers, yadda yadda yadda. You know the drill. Also enjoy! :D

1.

The first time he literally thought the arc reactor had stopped working. It wasn't anything big that set him off either. He was just coloring with Sissy, and she was drawing a monster. Which got him thinking about what had happened when they fought aliens, and the next thing he knew he was on the floor in a ball. He couldn't breathe and his chest was tight and sissy was yelling at JARVIS but he couldn't THINK. It was terrifying and the next thing he knew Bruce and Mommy were there and that's about when he blacked out.

 

* * * *

 

He woke up in the lab. Bruce's lab to be exact. He was... in a bed?

 

"Hey little guy," Bruce said gently. "How do you feel?" Words were hard. Really hard. "Can you talk?" Tony shook his head. "That's okay," Bruce said gently. "I need to check your vitals though. Can I do that?"

 

Tony nodded. Bruce slid a blood-pressure cuff over his arm and stuck a thermometer in his ear. In reality JARVIS could probably tell Bruce all these things. He constantly kept track of that for everyone. But maybe it was to help Tony. Or let Bruce feel better knowing he'd done it.

 

"Well, I think all this is, is a panic attack," Bruce said calmly. "Is this the first one?" Tony nodded. "We'll keep an eye on it, okay? If you start to feel this way again, I want you to come find me or Mommy or sissy." Tony nodded.

 

 

2.

The next time was in the middle of a SHIELD meeting. He still had to pretend to be a grown-up sometimes, and it sucked. They were going over what had happened in the field and what they needed to work on and a bunch of other boring things, but he had let his mind wander. Thank God Bruce and Nat had had the mind to call a time-out, and they both got him out of there before it got to an embarrassing level again. He was scared. No, TERRIFIED. What if it happened again?! How would he protect everyone? Let alone his team, what about Mommy? She had no special armor, or training, or anything and she would die and then he would lose the best damn thing to ever happen to him and he was shaking and in tears and it was all too much and the next time he was aware of anything he realized he was in medical.

 

"You're okay," Natasha whispered. "You just had a panic attack again." There was those words again. Panic attack. He wasn't supposed to have those. He was supposed to be invincible. What was worse was he was too scared to talk and what if things went wrong and no no no no no his chest was tight and he really couldn't deal with round two and that's when he blacked out.

 

* * * *

 

"No director, I really don't give a rat's ass what you say, he's dealing with a lot." That was... sissy? "He's not got training like we do, and he went through enough shit in Afghanistan. A person can only handle so much truama before it begins to take over. Let's not forget Clint here."

 

"Is. He. Capable?" Fury said, his voice dripping with rage. Great, he was about to lose the best thing he ever had.

 

"Absolutely," Pepper said. "We've been through this sort of thing once, we can do it again." Mommy. Mommy Mommy Mommy! All he wanted was Mommy and she was so far and words were so hard and he couldn't. Not here not now not-

 

"Mommy!" Tony cried. All the heads in the room shot up to him and great, Fury was giving him the "WTF" look and now he was gonna be kicked off the team and-

 

"Shh, I'm right here," She cooed. She held him to her chest and Natasha pretty much shoved the director out of the room and now he was crying and it was all just too much. "Shh, I know baby. Life's been kind of hard, hmm?"

 

He nodded miserably against her chest. "T-t-t-t-too m-m-m-m-much," He stuttered, gasping for air. Mommy held him, letting him cry. If there was a God, he was grateful to him for the existence of this woman.

 

 

3.

Mommy and Bruce had made him go see someone. They said he was dealing with a lot and it would help him cope. Natasha had picked her out, said that this was the person she saw when she first came to SHIELD.

 

Tony didn't like her. Not one bit. She wasn't Mommy and he wasn't broken. He spent most of their time together glaring at each other. Well, Tony would glare at her. She would just smile patiently, and one time she even offered him a piece of candy.

 

Then one day he came in willingly. He couldn't breathe and he was between headspaces and Mommy was out of town on business and Bruce was taking Clint to the zoo. Natasha had driven him in and the woman was nice. She gave him a pill and had him try to focus on her, and his breathing. Didn't she get it?! He COULDN'T breathe! That's why he was here! But she made him focus on her, not on his feelings, and slowly.... it worked.

 

"Do you feel up to talking?" He shook his head. Words were always hard after. "That's okay. Can I still ask you some questions?" He nodded. "Okay."

 

* * * *

 

"He WHAT?!" Pepper gasped.

 

"It's all fine," Natasha said. "She gave him some medicine to take when he has really bad panic attacks. I took care of things, just like you said." Pepper held them both really close that night. How could she have not been there for them?

 

 

4.

It was by far the worst one yet. They were in the middle of a battle too, and Tony had been in that irritating, in-between space in his head all day. And then they went up a giant mutated monster, and he snapped. He started hyperventilating. Thank God he had programmed JARVIS for just this kind of situation. He informed the others and took Tony to safety, in an alleyway, behind a building. It was there that the villian, some scrawny, geeky, mad-scientist, was controlling his creation. He looked at Iron Man, then at his controller, then back at Iron Man. And then he started beating the shit out of him. Tony was too far into his mind and his dad was screaming at him and flashback flashback flashback and no! The next thing he was aware of, was the sound of a really nice vibranium shield knocking his attacker off of him and then a super heavy hammer being laid on a chest. And then he was being taken out of the suit via the emergency release button by his sister and Hulk was picking him up like the baby he felt like. That was when he lost it and started sobbing. He wet himself and it was all just too much, and Hulk was surprisingly maternal. Maybe it was Bruce's gentle guidance in the back of his head but Tony couldn't care less. He wanted it all to just stop.

 

* * * *

 

He was shaking as he sat in med-bay. He wanted Bruce, but he was currently trying to deal with the aftermath of Hulking out, which meant sleepily devouring everything in the fridge before passing the fuck out. Thor was a nice second though. He smelled like rain and he was really warm and had the nicest lullaby voice. Pepper and Natasha were in the room fast enough, along with his therapist, and someone new. Tony buried his face in Thor's shoulder.

 

"Tony, I understand you had another panic attack," His therapist said. Tony nodded. "This has been happening a lot lately I understand." It was true. Most nights he really couldn't sleep, and he hadn't been able to stay in the nursery unless Mommy was there. He barely let her or Bruce out of his sight, and everything was just really, really hard. "I think I know what's going on. You're experiencing Post-truamatic stress disorder."

 

"How come this is just manifesting now?" Pepper asked, sitting on the bed with her little boy.

 

"It can sometimes take months and years before symptoms become present and often by that point, they're very hard to control," The doctor explained. "It seems New York just..."

 

"NO!" Tony said, making everyone look at him. "Don't... Don't say that. It.... it makes everything scary."

 

His therapist made a note on her clipboard before turning to Tony. "I think it would be beneficial to put you on some long-term medication, to help manage your anxiety better."

 

"No," Tony said. "Don't need it."

 

"Yes, you do," Pepper said. "JARVIS called me and said you lost it in the middle of a battle."

 

"It's either this or we have to take you off active duty," The doctor said. Tony teared up. This wasn't fair! He wasn't supposed to need this! He was a Stark damnit and Starks were made of iron.

 

"It's okay to feel embarrassed, scared, or anything else you're feeling right now," His therapist said gently. "But this isn't to punish you. It's to help you get back to... normal. To help you feel more in control of your life. Wouldn't that be nice?"

 

"It won't be normal," Tony said. "Nothing will be normal and it will never be the same again."

 

"But would you rather it go back to being just be us again? All alone?" Pepper said. "I like how things are, but I want you to be happy too, Tony."

 

He sniffled and nodded. He let them do what they had to. He wanted to fight with his friends. He HAD to.

 

 

5.

It took them about three months to finally balance his medication and for things to go back to semi-normal. He was finally able to sleep again, and in the nursery too. He still had panic attacks sometimes, but they were getting farther and farther apart, and nowhere near as intense as they had been before.

 

Finally, Bruce put a little present in front of him one day, while they were working in the lab. "What's this for?" He asked.

 

"It's been almost six weeks since your last panic attack," He shrugged. "And you've been consistent with treatment. You deserved a reward."

 

Tony looked at the box, then at Bruce, then back at the box. Curiousity finally got the better of him, and he slowly ripped off the paper and opened it. Inside was a pacifier with the Avenger's signature "A" on it. Tony teared up. "Bruce?" He whimpered.

 

The Biologist took one look at his friend and was by his side in an instant, hugging him. "Yes sweet boy?"

 

"Am I ever gonna be okay?" He sniffled.

 

"....In time, I think you might be," Bruce said honestly. "But even if you aren't, that's okay. Me and Pepper, we have your back no matter what. Even if you fall apart, we'll pick you up and put you back together."

 

Tony nodded, hiding his face in Bruce's chest. "Bwu?" He mumbled into his shirt?"

 

"Yes?" The older man chuckled.

 

"Can I caww you Dada?" Tony said, trying the word out.

 

Bruce looked down in shock. "Of course. You don't have to ask me that," He said with a sincere smile.

 

"Dad said-"

 

"Shh. Your dad isn't here. And remember what I told you about his rules?"

 

"Dey bad."

 

"That's right. And what do we say about bad rules?"

 

"Dey bad and I's good so we fowwow da good rules!" Tony sobbed. He didn't understand why he was suddenly so emotional. But he knew it was okay. Bruce would take care of him. He promised. And Tony knew Bruce would never break his promises. Never.

**Author's Note:**

> K so to me, I feel like there was too much hurt and not enough comfort in Iron Man 3. Since this roughly follows the timeline for the MCU, I figured I should do something for Iron Man 3, and this happened (also my own anxiety was out of control at the time to). So yeah. Love you and see you next time! :)


End file.
